Cos life is pain 

It’s not that I want to die 
It is that I don’t want to continue living. 

Suicide isn’t ending one’s life. 
Suicide is ending one’s pain. 

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End in Mind

Everytime I take my meds, something inside me cries.

Part of me is sad (and crying) that I need my meds to function as a ‘normal’ person.
Sometimes I wonder how long this will go on, and if I need to depend on it all my life.

I hope not.

The plan is to be on meds for 2 years, consistently. And the hope is that at the end of 2 years, I don’t depend of them for me to function ‘normally’. And by then I would be able to recognise my symptoms so well that I can help myself before they even surface. I don’t even have to worry about my symptoms, much less a relapse.

That’s the goal.

I think the worst days of depression can be found in a girl’s period. In depression, you find yourself unworthy of life. You find emotional pain. In PMS, you find yourself disgusting and you just want to kill yourself. You find physical pain. 

I think it’s bad enough to have your neurochemicals unbalanced. Then once a month your hormones get haywired.

I am so far from being stable right now.